The oldest person alive has lived through the birth of everyone on Earth today.

Big foot, aliens, and ghosts all decided to stop appearing after camera phones got popular

Church is like a book club that meets once a week and only ever reads one book.

I press ‘later’ instead of 'never’ when applications ask for a rating because I don’t want to hurt it’s feelings

Google maps should have a feature that shuts off navigation when you to yell out “I see it” or “I got it from here”

Jail is the adult equivalent of “sit in the corner and think about what you have done”.

Raisins are just grape jerky.

Traffic lights should have a progress bar

If Solar Roofs become the norm, the Zombie Apocalypse would become a lot easier to survive.

Clothing stores are the only store that require you to already own what you’re going in to buy.

If you have a pizza with radius Z and thickness A, its volume is = Pi*Z*Z*A

An adult placed into a different time period would struggle to adjust mentally, but babies would do just fine

It’ll be near impossible for the next generation to find a decent username that isn’t taken to use in a popular site.

If someone says “only God can judge me” I instantly judge them

I really want to tell people who comment on porn how ridiculous they sound, but that would require me to comment on porn.